


giving up, giving back

by Eicas



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: (in that it takes place during a canon scene: the pacifist route fight w Undyne), Canon Compliant, Gen, Self-Hatred, Suicidal Thoughts, chara is not a happy camper (and neither is frisk), how not to make anyone feel better, incredibly unsubtle manipulation, self destructive behaviors ahoy, vent fic like hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-14
Updated: 2016-12-14
Packaged: 2018-09-08 13:36:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8847094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eicas/pseuds/Eicas
Summary: Undyne tells them the monsters only need one more human soul to break the barrier and return to the surface. Chara has already tried to give their life to make that happen once.What's to stop them from trying again?





	

**Author's Note:**

> this is not a happy fic. (it's also, i hope, not overly graphic, or revelling in the misery, but - yeah. don't expect a happy ending, is all i'm saying.)

_...they have six,  _ says Chara. 

_ What? _ Frisk replies distractedly, most of their focus being on staying alive. Their arms shake under the weight of the shield and it takes every bit of determination they have to move quickly enough to block Undyne’s spears. Left, right - they miss, wincing as it tears into them - facing her… 

_ They already have six,  _ Chara mumbles again, and then there’s the feeling of an icy spike piercing through Frisk’s mind, like how Chara used to do when they wanted Frisk’s attention in the ruins. Frisk is distracted enough that another spear slips past their guard, wounding them further. Luckily, at that point it’s their turn, which gives them a chance to catch their breath and ask Chara what’s going on. 

_ Why did you do that for?  _ they say, with a note of genuine hurt. 

_ You weren’t listening.  _ Chara does not sound sorry in the least. In fact, Chara’s voice does not seem to convey any feelings at all, and when Frisk reaches out towards them with their mind, it’s like touching metal in winter without gloves on. They have to stop themself from flinching back from it. 

_ Sorry,  _ they say automatically, like they always do when someone chastises them. They wet their lips, even though they’re not speaking out loud. They don’t actually want to ask, but avoiding it would be worse.  _ What… what were you saying?  _

_ Did you hear what Undyne said? About Asgore?  _

Frisk blinks.  _ He wants to become a god, and- _

There is the feeling of Chara shaking their head.  _ He wants to  _ **_free his people._ **

_...and kill us. _

_ Can you blame him? They’ve been here for lifetimes. Most of the monsters down here have never even  _ **_seen_ ** _ the surface. Can you imagine growing up without even once having seen the sky? The stars? Never feeling the sun on your skin?  _

_ Chara…  _

_ Seven human souls,  _ Chara intones carefully,  _ and the barrier will be broken. The monsters will be free.  _

_ Chara,  _ Frisk says, the cold spreading into them now until it feels like their heart, or maybe their soul, is all frosted over,  _ what are you saying?  _

_ Stop playing  _ **_dumb_ ** _ ,  _ Chara snaps back, and this time Frisk actually  _ does _ flinch.  _ You  _ **_know_ ** _ what I’m saying! They already have six,  _ **_they just need yours!_ ** _ You’re the  _ **_last one_ ** _!  _

_ But I’d have to  _ **_die!_ **

**_So what!?_ ** They’re shouting now.  _ What does it  _ **_matter_ ** _? Do you really think your life matters more than theirs? _

_ I-  _ their eyes prickle with tears. They furiously blink them away.  _ Of course I don’t, I just- Chara, I don’t  _ **_want_ ** _ to die! _

_ Coward,  _ Chara yells, just as Undyne had only minutes before.  _ You selfish, egotistical  _ **_coward._ **

Frisk’s grip wavers on the shield, shoulders hunching in over themself. “I’m not a coward,” they whisper, out loud but so quiet it barely makes a sound. Saying the words don’t make them any more real than thinking them would have. “I can’t just  _ give up _ .”

Chara is quiet for a moment, watching Frisk’s fruitless attempts to reason with Undyne even as their HP steadily ticks down towards 0, and then they try a new angle.  

_ It’s not going to matter, you know. You’ll never beat her. She’s fighting for the future of every monster in the Underground, and you… You’re just fighting for your own life. _

Frisk grits their teeth. They don’t respond. 

_ What even happens if you win, Frisk? You defeat Undyne, you defeat Asgore, you go back to the surface and- what? What’s next? Is there even anything up there waiting for you? _

_ Home,  _ Frisk says, but the truth is echoing terrifyingly loud within them, so loud there’s no way Chara doesn’t hear it too.

Nothing. There is  _ nothing _ waiting for them, nothing worth returning to. The closest thing to a proper home they’ve ever had lies behind them and they can’t go back. 

Their resolve is slipping, and Chara knows it. 

_ Come on Frisk,  _ they cajole.  _ It’s not like either of us were ever  _ **_worth_ ** _ anything. Nothing would be lost if we disappeared. _

_ That’s not true,  _ Frisk says, but it sounds like a lie. Worse, it  _ feels _ like a lie.

_ Name one thing that would be worse. _

_ Toriel would care if we were gone,  _ they say, almost desperately, a last effort to hold on-

_ Toriel would care if  _ **_you_ ** _ were gone,  _ Chara corrects bitterly.  _ Besides, it’s not like it’d matter for long. The surface is full of children, right? If she wants one so badly there’s plenty of them to choose from. She’ll find a replacement soon enough.  _ ( _ It wouldn’t be the first time _ , Frisk hears, like an echo, but they don’t think Chara meant for them to hear it.) 

_ That child wouldn’t be me _ , Frisk says, but it’s empty, empty and hollow, to the point where Chara doesn’t even feel the need to address it. 

_ You never would have been anyone important in life, Frisk,  _ Chara says, almost comfortingly.  _ People like us never are. At least this way your death will  _ **_mean_ ** _ something.  _

The worst part is, Frisk thinks as they sluggishly raise the shield again, is that they’re pretty sure Chara actually  _ believes _ everything they’re saying. 

They’re not fast enough to block the spears, not attentive enough to notice they were running low on health. 

Their soul leaves their body.

_ Determination,  _ Frisk thinks, despairingly,  _ I have to get back up, I am  _ **_determined-_ **

_ Just let go,  _ Chara whispers, like unhooking Frisk’s fingers from a rope to let them both fall,  _ just let it happen, Frisk. They deserve their freedom. It’s okay. It’s  _ **_right._ **

_ It’s not,  _ Frisk thinks back, but the thought is both edge and aimless. Toriel wouldn’t want to be free if it meant they had to die, they try to remind themself, and they’re pretty sure the same goes for plenty of the other monsters --- but that doesn’t matter, does it? None of that matters. 

It’s not like they ever stood a chance at making it to the end. 

It’s not like they even know what they’re fighting for. 

It’s not like there was ever any point in fighting in the first place. 

Their breaths are calmer now, deep and slow, their heartbeat a steady rhythm. Chara has gone completely quiet in their shared mind, their shared body, their shared soul. (Maybe, Frisk thinks, they know it’s meaningless for them to keep trying. Frisk and Chara both know a lot about futility.) 

_ You’re sure their plan will work? _ Frisk asks reluctantly, a final effort at holding back the flood. 

**_Yes_ ** , says Chara, not a shred of doubt in their reply. Frisk feels their resolve crumbling and they’re helpless to stop it. 

_ Okay _ , they breathe.

**_Thank you,_ ** _ Frisk,  _ Chara says, and it is so wonderfully sincere, and the wave of gratitude and approval washing over them is so strong, that Frisk can almost believe they’re doing the right thing. 

They take a moment to gather themself, and then, with Chara’s help, they keep their soul together, just enough as not to shatter into pieces-

-and let go. 


End file.
